30, a collection of poems by Jaachi Anyatonwu banner
BECAUSE MY PASTOR DON’T KNOW IT ALL

Be flexible in your opinions, thoughts, religiosity and churchiness.

This, apparently, is what my pastor lacks.
We live in a world that’s fast changing. A world where cultures are shifting and technological advancement is taking a leap.

Yet, a certain preacher man has decided to sink his pious feet in the 18th century and he’s ‘heaven bent’ on dragging his congregation backwards, with him.

Had he embarked on this without the usual biblical backing (as their manner is), I wouldn’t bother to write this.

The first time I heard him vehemently preach against the use of smartphones as Bibles and Hymnbooks, I’d thought tis a joke.

He must be having a bad day, I supposed.

Two Sundays after, he repeated it with a stern warning to defaulters.

I phoned dad and narrated it all to him. Dad haha’d and said to ignore him. Said he may not mean it. Could be he’d caught some members chatting in church.

Could be true. But pastor never mentioned that.

He even said, and I quote:

“Whoever disobeys this instruction is disobeying God…and you know what the Bible says about the sin of disobedience… God bless you as you do this”

That was smartly dumb.

Yesterday, he placed more emphasis on this. He labeled the ‘disobedient few’ who, despite his warnings, still make use of their Android devices as Hymnbooks, irresponsible.

He went further and threatened to embarrass whoever would disobey his ‘divine order’ next Sunday.

Dear pastor, it amuses me that you wear suit, tie, shoes.

If you really want us all to stick to the old order, you should go get a flowing robe, Jesus kinda.

You shouldn’t use a Bible. Go fetch a scroll from the synagogue.

You shouldn’t use a microphone or worship in that hall. Go to the wilderness, sir. Climb a mountain. Preach to the multitude. That’s how Jesus did it.

Come next Sunday, Sir, I shall be in church, two smartphones in my hands.

One for bible.

The other for hymnbook.

And in both phones, a video of your SO and my group coordinator singing heartily unto the Lord.

From. Their. Android. Devices

Be ready to tell me otu Deeper Life nke gi siri pụọ íchè.

I know you love God.

I know the zeal of the Lord has consumed you.

I know you’re gifted, anointed, called, baptised in the Spirit and can speak in blah bleh blah

I know I do not have all that, but here, your own words for you.

“One can be perfect in heart, but limited in the head (knowledge).

‘nough said.

Ka odi next Sunday. Anyị ga-etinye ukwu n’otu traza.

Adị m serious.

Dead serious.

Pengician
Jaachi Anyatonwu
Jaachi Anyatonwu is a poet, editor, and publisher living in the suburbs of Aba. He is the author of numerous poetry chapbooks and collections, and the Editor-In-Chief of Poemify Publishers Inc. Jaachi is passionate about discovering new voices and mentoring emerging poets. He is also a fierce advocate for the boy child and sexually molested.

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