When a family member commits suicide, the entire family is plunged into confusion and grief. Life is instinctually valued by all of life’s creatures.

Even a blade of grass or flower fights for the privilege of life.

When someone close to you voluntarily ends their lives, your entire value system is thrown into question. Family members may also be consumed with guilt, thinking that they somehow should have seen the signs that led to the individual’s suicide.

In this suicide poem, I try to recreate the last hours of a suicidal girl. May we be sensitive enough to read the signs before they escalate.

“don’t come looking for me…”

i know it’s impossible to grasp air
but, have you tried pretence?

you’d step out of nightmares
& mask terror behind faux smiles

you’d sit, with them, around the table
& take a bite of sweetness, like they do.

soon their plates are empty
they’d yearn for more cereals

but, you’d struggle with the first bite.
it tastes like death, this honeycomb

“thanks, mum, for the meal”
you just have to tell this one last lie

you’d walk into the street
& wonder why the sun’s bright

in spite of the haunting darkness
that’s clawing at your sanity

you’d chuckle at how you still breath
having died yesterday

perhaps, this is the afterlife,
but with same people of the other life

you’d shrug. sigh. smile
& pretend to be unalive

but, not today
this. just. have. to. end.

so, stroll into the woods
unknot your tie & make a gallow of same

you take two steps backward
in admiration of your calvary

you pick your pen
& flip through your diary

you make to write a poem
that begins with a quoted line

“don’t come looking for me…”
i wasn’t here from the beginning.

you climb the tree
& stuck your neck in your gallow

you let go of your grip to the branch
& dangle freely like a broken branch

we came looking for you
but found a diary
full of dark poetry
& a tree of rotten apple

30, a collection of poems by Jaachi Anyatonwu
Jaachị Anyatọnwụ
Jaachị Anyatọnwụ is a poet, editor, and publisher living in the suburbs of Aba. He is the author of numerous poetry chapbooks and collections, and the Editor-In-Chief of Poemify Publishers Inc. Jaachị is passionate about discovering new voices and mentoring emerging poets. He is also a fierce advocate for the boy child and sexually molested.

Comments(22)

  1. Avatar
    • Mujidat Olaide

    • 2 years ago

    Wow! Deep and dark.

  2. Avatar
    • Tibzy

    • 2 years ago

    Beautifully inked. May her soul rest in perfect peace.

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Amen. I appreciate your feedback.

  3. Avatar
    • Amaobi Uche

    • 2 years ago

    I enjoyed reading every word.

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      I’m glad you did.
      May we find joy

  4. Avatar
    • Judith

    • 2 years ago

    May we find joy.

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Amen. A lasting one.

  5. Avatar
    • Priscilla

    • 2 years ago

    This is depressing.
    May we find joy

    1. Avatar
      • Vicky Mbachu.

      • 2 years ago

      we came looking for you
      but found a diary
      full of dark poetry
      & a tree of rotten apple

      Sighs.
      I can’t find words to describe how sad I am now.

      And then, that part you talked about how Family members blame themselves for the death…

      1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

        We shall find joy!

    2. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Depression is depressing. May we find joy

  6. Avatar
    • Loveth Opeyemi

    • 2 years ago

    First I commend this piece of art, the way the words are woven gently to form a basket of thoughts in my mind.

    I always cannot wap my head around the thoughts of suicide. May she rest in peace.

  7. Avatar

    Firstly, I appreciate this piece of art and how every word was woven to form a basket of thoughts in my mind.

    I cannot wrap my head around the reasons why a person would take their own life. My prayer is that light and joy abound in every soul.

    May her soul rest in peace

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Amen!

      Thanks for the nice words. May we find reasons to LIVE

  8. Avatar
    • Aniebiet Effiong

    • 2 years ago

    Hmm… I love this cover art. The ending is touchy.

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Thanks, Aniebiet. I love it much more!

  9. Avatar
    • Carlos Nah

    • 2 years ago

    Great

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Thanks Carlos, for reading.

  10. Avatar
    • Ebuscobar Amc Agbolises

    • 2 years ago

    Nice one

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      Thanks for stopping by.

  11. Avatar
    • Nkasiobi Mbonu

    • 1 year ago

    I have known this feeling.

    1. Jaachi Anyatonwu

      It’s refreshing to know someone else feels just how I feel. Thanks, Nkasiobi

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