Fears: What I Am Most Afraid Of

[Warning: Lengthy Read!]

Dear Reader,

I hope this newsletter finds you well, despite its rather unusual topic. Today, I want to share with you something personal—the fears that reside within me. They have been swirling in my mind, and it’s time to let them out into the world. So, buckle up for a journey through my fearscape.

What I Am Most Afraid Of

Errrr, newsflash! I overcame some of the fears below-listed. How well do you know me? Pray tell, which phobia do you think I’ve overcome?

1. The fear of death: Now, I’m not talking about the ordinary fear of mortality. My mind often drifts to vivid dreams and fantasies of apocalyptic scenarios. Whether it’s the Great Tribulation or various catastrophic events, my imagination takes me to deserted worlds, eerie silence, and even the surreal beauty of it all. It’s both strange and terrifying.
2. The fear of heights: Whenever I’m on an airplane, soaring high above the ground, I can’t help but feel a sense of vulnerability. Looking out the window, everything seems tiny and insignificant, and the possibility of a catastrophic crash haunts my thoughts.
3. The fear of marriage: While marriage itself is a beautiful union, I find myself grappling with a fear of my own fragility. It’s a topic I’m not yet ready to delve into further, but perhaps someday I’ll find the courage to explore it.
4. The fear of crowds: Surprisingly, it’s not the overwhelming size of a crowd that frightens me, but rather the specific combination of extroverted energy clashing with my introverted nature. Feeling threatened by my quietness or uncomfortable with my preference for solitude can be draining and deeply unsettling.
5. The fear of expressing love: Telling someone that I love them comes with its own set of anxieties. What if they think it’s silly or dismiss it as mere words? And even if they reciprocate, I fear that I have forgotten how to truly love someone—the real, unfiltered way. It’s a fear of being perceived as boring and unlovable, with all my quirks and imperfections.
6. The fear of hell: Although this fear used to trouble me, I have now made peace with it and moved beyond its grasp.
7. The fear of phone calls: Oddly enough, the thought of being trapped in never-ending conversations terrifies me. I fear my own verbal ticks and quirks would irritate the person on the other end, making me hesitant to engage in lengthy phone calls.
8. The fear of clichés: As a writer, I dread falling into the trap of clichéd expressions. They can make any piece of writing seem dull and uninteresting.
9. The fear of being unoriginal: Deep down, I worry that my thoughts and ideas are not worthy of being shared aloud. When I’m surrounded by people I know, I often choose silence, fearing that they won’t understand or appreciate what I have to say. It’s a fear of the impact my words might have, even if my actions cannot undo them.
10. The fear of those who dread love: It pains me to see individuals who have lost faith in love. Their fear and skepticism shake me to the core.
11. The fear of missing out on the present: In my constant pursuit of personal and professional growth, I sometimes forget to find happiness in the present moment. I fear that my obsession with future achievements blinds me to the person I am in the here and now. I don’t want to lose sight of my true self.
12. The fear of speaking up: Sharing my worries and concerns with others can be daunting. I’m afraid my problems would be seen as trivial, strange, or unworthy of attention. I worry that if I do open up, I won’t be heard or understood. So, I keep my fears bottled up inside, unsure of how to express them authentically.
13. The fear of being unheard: Lastly, there’s the fear that this newsletter, my vulnerable confessions, might go unnoticed or be met with indifference. It’s a fear shared by many writers—to pour out a piece of oneself and wonder if anyone truly cares. But in sharing these fears, I hold onto a glimmer of hope. Perhaps you, dear reader, understand these sentiments too, silently battling your own fears every day.

By writing down and naming these fears, I take a step towards confronting them. Even if some of them seem insurmountable, I believe that acknowledgment is the first step towards overcoming them. And in sharing this with you, I hope that you might find solace in knowing you’re not alone in your fears.

On a lighter note, I wanted to mention my book, “You are loved and you belong here,” which is a collection of letters I wrote to myself. It’s a publication I rarely publicize, but today, it felt fitting to mention it. If you’d like a copy, feel free to reach out to me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy newsletter. I appreciate your support, and I hope that by shedding light on my fears, we can all become a little less afraid, together.

Warm regards,

Jaachi Anyatonwu